If I take a look at my whole life from the past, excluding the first few years of a happy childhood and the following decade of my delighted adolescent ages, I can say that the rest of my existence – starting at about 20 years old till now – was woven with either obstacles or their aftermaths.
My wholesome, endlessly pleasant contentment ended in 1994. Since then, black and white stripes consistently superimposed over each other. After almost a whole year that I spent in captivity, I went through a few miserable years of recovery with whole sets of ups and downs. I couldn’t find myself for a really long time, living in the darkness by choice.
Revived, I moved to the USA and spent many years trying to adapt to the new society, battling anxieties related to the language barrier, non-ability of communication, fear of being misunderstood, lack of friends and relatives, deficiency of American education, minimal choices to find good work and many other troubles that usually accompany immigration.
To say the least, each of the obstacles throughout the spin of life imprinted astoundingly on my personality, which gave a rise to another fear and complex in me. As a result, I’m full of phobias.
Every time I embark on something new or challenging in my life, I need to fight my inner demons firsthand, and if I win the battle, I then proceed with the achievement of my dream.
I consider myself a strong person and most of the time, my inner fear gets defeated and I salute victory. I know that every obstacle makes me grow personally and each time I win, one of my anxieties is vanquished. The giant army of my fears decreases.
At that time, when I terminated the contract with the literary agent, I again for some time started feeling hopeless and scared in the face of the unknown. Fortunately, the anxiety did not possess me fully. The joyful sense of novelty, and the thrill of possible opportunities and expectations of success made me create enough energy to quickly conquest the inner fright.
All I needed was to learn something new – to learn how to become a published author. My enthusiasm and excitement were overwhelming!
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